- You can’t fight me, you’re miniature.
- Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
- Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
- I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.
- You know, it only takes four muscles to just extend your arm and bitchslap the twat.
- Congratulations on being an awful bitch who’s completely oblivious to the fact that everyone hates you.
- Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
- My business isn’t your business; so unless you’re my thong, don’t be up my arse.
- I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times already.
- I would retaliate against your snotty remark, but since you resemble a garden gnome, I’d say the joke is on you.
- I thought I saw your face on my newsfeed but it turns out it was just a picture of a potato.
- You want to walk out of my life, there’s the door. Hell, I’ll even hold it open for you.
- I don’t do fashion, I am fashion.
- Somewhere out there there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breath. I think you owe it an apology.
- I’m only single because I’m too sassy for everyone.
- Bitch please, have you seen me? I’m a princess.
- I think, therefore I’m single.
- Life’s too short to bullshit.
- If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
- When in doubt, freak ‘em out.
- I’d rather die my way than live yours.
- Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
- Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
- I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
- It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.
- Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
- If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
send “❀” for my muse’s reaction to your muse giving mine a flower.
You can use this generator right here.
- “You’re so pale…”
- “You’re sick, admit it!”
- “I think you should sit down.”
- “Bathroom, now.”
- “You look like you’re about to pass out.”
- “You’ve got a fever!”
- “Why are your hands so sweaty?”
- “Are you shivering?”
- “Hey, I got you…”
- “We have to sweat the fever out of you.”
- “You have to eat something.”
- “I made you some chicken soup.”
- “You’re gonna crash.”
- “Cover your mouth when you cough!”
- “Have you slept at all lately?”
- “Hey, Rudolph.”
- “Did you just cough– blood?”
- “I think we should take you to see a doctor.”
- “Can you at least vomit with the door closed?”
- “Here, take your medicine.”
- “Is there anything I can get from you.”
- “Let me take care of you.”
- “You can barely stand!”
- “Go home and get some rest.”
- “How long have you been sick?”
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send “❀” for my muse’s reaction to your muse giving mine a flower.